The Healing Through Wonder Project: The Life-Changing Kindness of a Stranger
By Val Walker
Image Credit: Phillip Justin Mamelic
For the Healing Through Wonder Project, I explore stories of people who deeply believe in the power of wonder for living with grief, trauma, and addiction. I’ve personally found inspiration and hope from their recollections of how moments of awe and wonder transformed their lives and sparked their faith in humanity.
I’ve met contributing storytellers for this project through referrals from the following three organizations in the Boston area:
The Sun Will Rise Foundation: The Sun Will Rise Foundation provides peer grief support for those who have experienced the death of someone they care about due to causes related to substance use.
SADOD (Support After a Death by Overdose): SADOD is dedicated to increasing the effectiveness of peer grief support in Massachusetts for people affected by a death from substance use (not only from overdose but also from suicide, homicide, accident, and medical complications due to drug use).
The Health Story Collaborative: Thanks to a referral from Annie Brewster, MD, who collaborated with Unfixed Media founder, Kimberly Warren, to produce a video series called The Unfixed Mind: Navigating Mental Health Today (2023), I met an enthusiastic participant from this series, Ricky Allen. He was pleased to share his story with the Healing Through Wonder Project.
Having been profoundly transformed by a moment of awe and wonder, Ricky generously provided interviews for this project via our lively Zoom conversations. His story echoes remarkable similarities to the awe and wonder experiences of other storytelling participants. Broadly speaking, based on neuroscience research, common responses to awe are:
Shifting focus from our headspace (our self-referential, nagging thoughts) to what is outside of ourselves—to the present moment
Self-transcendence and opening to a new perspective
Being a part of something vast and much greater than ourselves
Feeling grounded and calmer in our bodies
Time slowing down or standing still
Seeing others in a new light and interest in helping others
Ricky’s experience of a life-changing moment of awe reflects these robust benefits to our well-being and mental health. In his following story, we can learn how even one brief moment of awe and wonder can provide a source of resilience for a lifetime.
Ricky Allen: The Life-changing Kindness of a Stranger
Credit: Ricky Allen
Ricky Allen, 32, is an inspirational speaker and mental health peer mentor who has presented for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) in Austin, Texas. Ricky was raised by Christian missionaries in an African American household in Missouri City, a suburb of Houston, Texas. Proud to be helpful as the oldest of three children, he watched over his siblings as the “man of the house” while his father worked long hours as a plumber.
“Even though we were a low-income household in those years, we were a loving, resourceful family, and our parents took good care of us. I had lots of neighborhood friends who played in our house with me and my brother and sister.”
When Ricky was in the third grade, after the family had relocated to Lubbock Texas, he faced racism and bullying in his school, but thankfully football became a stabilizing and positive force in his life.
“Fortunately, as a big kid for my age, I was introduced to football. Being on that team and playing as a lineman helped me deal with the racist attitudes at the school. But it was also a good outlet for me to express myself. Sports helped me learn to regulate my emotions and handle stress.”
Later in 2003, the family relocated again to San Angelo when Ricky was twelve. He continued to succeed at football and enjoyed his school friends who came to his home to play video games. These were happy and social years.
“My friends came from all walks of life. We really had a good time playing Halo on game nights…I kept playing football and still loved it.”
Unfortunately, due to an injury to his left shoulder by the age of sixteen, Ricky was forced to stop playing football. Losing the opportunity to play his beloved sport caused him to become isolated, bored, and depressed. His grades plummeted, and he barely kept up with his classes, as he stayed home playing video games and gaining weight. Ricky remembers his first schizophrenia symptoms—hearing voices and hallucinations—appearing when he was alone at home.
“I heard voices—and I was not in control. I first noticed a voice talking to me when I was alone in the backyard at my house. It said, ‘It’s a beautiful day.’ I answered out loud, ‘Yes, it is.’ I will never forget that first time talking with my first voice.”
Soon, feeling paranoid about his symptoms becoming evident to others, he tried his best to hide them. But it was difficult for him to focus on assignments in his classroom or chat with family members during meals.
“I became paranoid and kept worrying that someone was going to find out about my voices and put me in a mental hospital somewhere. I was afraid people in white coats would lock me up, like I had seen in the movies.”
Ricky’s friends and classmates joined him in increasing drug and alcohol use. Although he received his high school diploma, he admits he had lost interest in starting a career and felt ashamed of his lack of focus or ambition. His symptoms progressively caused him to withdraw socially, and he could only handle part-time retail jobs.
“I worked at Dollar General and Target—a lot of jobs. I even worked as my father’s apprentice as a plumber…I was really going through the wringer and getting progressively more depressed and isolated. I started self-mutilation, cutting myself on my arms and feeling a lot of shame.”
At this time, Ricky had not been evaluated or diagnosed, so, sadly, he was not aware he had schizophrenia-- and he had no context for identifying his symptoms which frightened him. But he struggled to put himself, as he describes, into “autopilot.” Music became his favorite remedy for anxiety and depression. He especially enjoyed songs from the 1970s, from Earth, Wind, and Fire.
One winter night in 2012, he heard the shocking news of the suicide of one of his closest friends. Ricky did not eat or sleep for forty-eight hours in his acute grief over his friend’s death. He heard nagging inner voices urging him to drive immediately to his friend’s gravesite in San Angelo. He dashed into his car at midnight and drove 220 miles to his friend’s gravesite, arriving at the cemetery.
“But the gate was locked—the gate would not budge. I could not get through to go see my friend’s grave. I was so upset. I sat in my car for hours and saw hallucinations all around me.”
Deciding to visit his friend’s parents, despite his anguish and exhaustion, he pushed ahead to drive a few miles on the interstate in heavy morning traffic. But soon he blacked out and found himself in the middle of a car crash.
“Four eighteen-wheelers flew past me. Somehow I had skidded off the highway and I could see a jeep, pulled over in the left lane, that had been rear-ended by my car. Smoke was coming out of the hood of my car. I was in shock.”
Ricky was frozen and stunned, sitting in his car. A middle-aged woman with blond hair, wearing a gray sweatshirt and jeans, stepped out of the jeep and walked over to his car with a caring look of concern for him. He felt terrible guilt for hitting her car and could hardly look her in the eyes.
“She asked me, ‘Are you okay?’…She wanted to calm me down, just by standing by me, caring for me, as if she was my mother. She said, ‘The ambulance is on the way.’ I could not talk but I could see she knew I was in shock.”
Ricky was briefly evaluated by the EMS workers from the ambulance that soon arrived, but he signed a waiver not to go to the hospital. He remembers that the woman returned to her jeep and waited and watched the EMS workers before she left, making sure he had been evaluated and was safe. He believes she never told him her name.
Ricky drove back to Austin, despite the damage to his car, and amazingly, he managed to reach his home safely.
Later that day, he realized how profoundly moved he was by the woman’s kindness and gentle care for him. He believed a miracle had happened at this time in his life amid his illness and grief. He reflected on her words ‘Are you okay?’ and realized how vital it was to take responsibility for himself, and that his self-care was part of caring for others. It was time to be honest with his family and ask for help.
“She gave me a second chance. She gave me a gift. She could easily have pressed charges. She didn’t even file a claim. She didn’t judge me or care what kind of background I had. She only wanted to help.”
On the same day of the accident, Ricky told his parents about his ordeal with hearing voices, seeing hallucinations, the suicide of his friend, and the demolition of the car. “I told them everything—I completely opened up. I felt I should come clean to my family after that amazing miracle happened to me with a stranger on the highway.”
Soon Ricky was evaluated at a psychiatric hospital, diagnosed with schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and was prescribed medications. His parents became active members of a support group for families as well as mental health advocates through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at his local Austin chapter.
“My parents and siblings are glad to be connected with NAMI. They wanted support and education to learn more about schizophrenia and how they could support me. I’m so relieved and grateful they became involved.”
Thankful for the support from his family, his peers, his local community, NAMI, and other mental health providers, Ricky moved forward with a genuine sense of commitment to his recovery. But it was his miraculous connection with the woman in the accident that inspired him to take responsibility for his recovery. He believes he was given a second chance by her act of kindness, lifting him out of his shame and isolation caused by stigma about his illness and substance use. This healing encounter with this woman has also motivated him to serve others by putting his second chance into action. His mission is to show others who live with mental illness how to find hope, meaning, and purpose in their recovery.
Between 2016 and 2019, Ricky earned an associate’s degree in creative writing at Austin Community College. During that time, he was awarded a certificate by NAMI for being a presenter for their series “In Our Own Voice: Living with Mental Illness.”
Ricky currently works full-time as a peer mentor for a community services agency in Austin, helping other young adults live with a mental illness.
“I tell everyone that I think it is a miracle that I am still here. The woman in the accident who asked, ‘Are you okay?’ has inspired my work. When I check in with people, I ask, ‘Are you okay?’ every day. I carry on her message of kindness and caring.”
In one video for The Unfixed Mind series, Ricky movingly describes the moment when a parent of someone he had mentored expressed their appreciation for his work and called him a hero. With tears of gratitude and humility, he recognized how he had truly given someone who suffered like him a second chance.
When I last spoke with Ricky this past January, he offered his insight in honor of the kind stranger who gave him a second chance. “People need people in their lives to care enough to ask, ‘Are you okay?’ To be open and honest. Showing we care, human to human, can save a life.”
Resources and Further Reading
For more about Ricky and the Unfixed Mind series, find on YouTube:
About the Author
Val Walker is a contributing blogger for Psychology Today and the author of 400 Friends and No One to Call, released in 2020 with Central Recovery Press. Her first book, The Art of Comforting (Penguin/Random House, 2010), won the Nautilus Book award and was recommended by the Boston Public Health Commission as a guide for families impacted by the Boston Marathon Bombing. Val received her MS in rehabilitation counseling from Virginia Commonwealth University and is a rehabilitation consultant, speaker, and educator. Her articles and Q&As have appeared in AARP, Caregiver Space, Babyboomer.com, Caregiver Solutions, Time, Good Housekeeping, Coping with Cancer, Boston Globe Magazine, Belief Net, Marie Claire, and Sweety High. Keep up with Val at www.ValWalkerAuthor.com
You can also learn more about the Healing Through Wonder project through their YouTube channel, The Sun Will Rise Foundation, and Support After a Death by Overdose (SADOD) project.