Theater as a Gathering Force

An Interview with Paul Kandarian, Actor, Writer, Activist:

By Val Walker

Introduction

This year the Health Story Collaborative, in partnership with COAAST (Creating Outreach About Addiction Support Together), launched performances of an autobiographical play written by Paul Kandarian and his son, Paul, called Resurfacing. Their story takes a close look at how addiction tears apart family relationships as well as how our wider community can play a vital role in bringing a family back together in the fragile, early stages of recovery.

Last April, I sat in the audience of this play alongside an audience of over 100 people who broke into a standing ovation as we wiped away our tears of relief and hope. I felt the power of a live theatrical performance telling a true story with a very hard-won and inspiring ending.  

Resurfacing tells the story of Paul as a father who was once painfully disconnected and powerless over his son’s opioid addiction. And worse, he believed he was responsible for his son’s pain. “I felt like a shitty parent that my kid had turned out this way.” The shame Paul suffered, alongside his son’s shame of being addicted, became a vicious isolating force that polarized one from another. But despite the limitations of his family to heal from this isolating force, and the alienation of returning from Afghanistan as a veteran, his son turns to supportive people in his community to help him build his recovery support network. The healing force of the wider community is also what Paul needs as a father to break through his isolation and shame. 

In short, Resurfacing shows us how our community can hold families together through isolating times when they have no one to count on. We need our communities to grapple with addiction and the long, lonely path of recovery.

About Paul

Paul E. Kandarian is an actor and a writer living in the Boston-Providence area. He has written countless articles for a variety of publications, including the Boston Globe, Yankee magazine, Rhode Island Monthly, Boston Parent, Seattle’s Child and many others. Since 2007 he has dedicated his creative talents towards acting by appearing in independent films, TV commercials, educational videos and more.

But with all the acting he does, the most important work he does is performing with the nonprofit, COAAST, Creating Outreach about Addiction Support Together. A Rhode Island-based nonprofit devoted to eradicating the opioid epidemic through arts-based therapeutic and community-driven approaches, COAAST was founded by Ana Bess Moyer Bell. Working closely with Ana Bess, Paul performs in the COAAST production of Four Legs to Stand On in addition to Resurfacing in his mission as an activist in helping communities heal from addiction.

Theater as a Gathering Force to Build Community

Paul Kandarian with Ryan Durkay in Resurfacing (Photo: Boston College The Heights)

Paul was the perfect person to explore the role theater plays in strengthening our communities to grapple with addiction. I couldn’t wait to ask Paul about his experiences performing for diverse audiences since Resurfacing was launched earlier this year.

Val: Paul, how does repeatedly performing in a play about your own painful ordeal make you feel? It must be exhausting, to say the least, if not difficult.

Paul. Sure--It does feel nerve-wracking at times, and it does hit close to home. Yes, it’s raw, and you “put yourself out there,” and you do “go there” time and time again. But seriously, it’s necessary. That’s why I do this. This story needs to be told and it comes straight from the heart, which I think is the best way to get it out there. My words and my son’s words speak for thousands of fathers and sons going through addiction and recovery. I am honored to be performing, and I will say again why I am performing as an activist: “We hurt as a community, so we must heal as a community.”

Val: How does theater make us all feel part of our community?

Paul: Theater works on many levels to make us feel a part of our community. First of all, theater validates that we already are a community. When we all get together in a big room to watch a true story being told, we are assured that community is truly around us—we just don’t see it until we are all in that room together. Theater shows us what has been there behind the scenes, that our community is in action, long before it has turned into a news event or a script or a play. Just think about it: When you go to a play about something you care about, you are surrounded by a bunch of people you don’t know (strangers) and yet we’ve all come together to be moved by the same things (addiction, loneliness, isolation, families in chaos) and we all have a common experience at the same time—now, that’s community.

We forget we are part of a community because most of the time we are running around in our individualized little bubbles. It’s like the saying, “A fish doesn’t know it’s wet.” We hardly remember we are all in this big shitstorm together as human communities.

Val. I never thought of community in that way--that we just forget that we already are a community until we are all in that room together having the same experience. Grappling with addiction, recovery and isolation does require this powerful sense of community that supports us. And furthermore, how does theater create community?

Paul: Theater has an immersive force. It pulls us in. That immersion is healing because we are somehow given the permission to tap what is uncomfortable inside us. Theater allows us to “go there” to what’s eating at us, what’s downright painful. When we identify with a character, we sort of hitch a ride with that person to go through their journey and come out with something they have learned. Essentially theater works on the assumption that if you can feel it, you can heal it. Best of all, theater can take us to the stigmatized, or shameful parts of ourselves. The parts we hide from others as well as ourselves. We might even feel acceptance and compassion for those hidden parts.

 Paul E. Kandarian, (far left) son Paul S. Kandarian, (second from left) Anna Bess Moyer Bell (holding mic), Founder, and other COAAST performers. (Photo courtesy of COAAST)

Val. Yes, the stigmatized and shameful place that the opioid epidemic touches in all of us…

Paul. To make a point about stigma, I often try a live experiment with our audiences who come to see Resurfacing. Here is what I do: I ask the people in the audience to raise their hands if they know someone who has cancer, and most people will raise their hands. But when I ask people to raise their hands if they know someone with an addiction, far fewer hands will go up. The audience “gets it” when we do this experiment. We hide so much. Still, theater has a way of reaching the parts we hide, and this helps remove the stigma.

And I have one more thing to say about why theater is so healing. It is revelatory. It shows us we are more similar than we are different. It reveals we are mostly alike deep inside. I find that very hopeful.  Theater helps us feel that this world does not have to be so impersonal and dehumanizing. We are, indeed, much more alike than our world seems to tell us. Social media, for example, can tell us how special or different or unique or better or worse we are from one another. I believe theater does the opposite. We show up and we feel the same feeling at the same time in the same place. Theater gathers us together and breaks us out of isolation and loneliness.

Paul Kandarian’s son, Paul S. Kandarian

Val. Paul, of all the shows you have performed with Resurfacing, which one has been the most memorable for you?

Paul: Earlier this fall, we performed at the Providence VA Medical Center. It was a packed house, a great turnout. It felt so good to perform for so many veterans. My son, a veteran of the war in Afghanistan, was in that audience. Sitting in that audience was also the clinician that he first reached out to and trusted, Lynne Deion.  Lynne never gave up on him and has been there throughout his recovery. It was brilliant to have them all there. It was cathartic, to say the least. I am so proud of my son. He has now completed his degree in psychology and is working as a rehabilitation counselor with others in recovery.

I’m looking forward to more performances of Resurfacing in 2020. In partnership with the Health Story Collaborative, COAAST will be expanding Resurfacing to more venues, especially for veterans in Rhode Island and Massachusetts. Stay tuned.

What a long, long journey it has been for all of us. It’s hard work, but being an activist as an actor is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life. I never thought helping others could feel this good.

Val. Thanks for all you do, Paul. Congratulations for launching Resurfacing this year. It’s been wonderful to talk with you.

Paul. I’ve enjoyed it. Thanks very much.

TO READ MORE ABOUT RESURFACING AND COAAST PRODUCTIONS, EVENTS, AND PROJECTS:

COAAST (Creating Outreach About Addiction Support Together) www.COAAST.org

Val Walker, MS, is the author of The Art of Comforting: What to Say and Do for People in Distress (Penguin/Random House, 2010) which won the Nautilus Book Award. Formerly a rehabilitation counselor for 20 years, she speaks, teaches and writes on how to offer comfort in times of loss, illness, and major life transitions. Her next book, 400 Friends and No One to Call: Breaking Through Isolation and Building Community will be released in March, 2020, with Central Recovery Press. Learn more at www.valwalkerauthor.com